Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
