Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
