I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
