When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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