Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
