Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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