and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
