Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
