Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
