Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
