I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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