Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
