I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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