dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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