youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
