Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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