...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
