NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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