you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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