Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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