I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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