Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
