I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Less talking, more tequila
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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