I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
