Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm always down for nudity.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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