I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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