Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize