I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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