Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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