where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
