I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
