it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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