You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
