You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
