Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
