During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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