Apparently you make a good broom.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
