Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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