I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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