i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
