Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
