If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize