I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
