Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
