He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
