As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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