i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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