i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
last night I used snow as a chaser
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