you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
