She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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