I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You don't make any sense
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