one two three fourrrrnication!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
