ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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