hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
