Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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