i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
