You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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