you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
