xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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