i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize