there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
