miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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