Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
