Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
