i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
